Dear San Francisco,
They say we alter a memory every time we access it. So I'll dwell briefly.
I'm sorry for ever thinking you were cold. I live in New York now and I didn't know.
I'm sorry for comparing your burritos to the kitchen of mi madre. It's just a personal thing, it's not you. -lil Dickie.
I'm sorry for not spending enough time in Golden Gate park even though I lived right next to it. I only walked through it to get to Scott and I wish I would have stopped and walked through it alone sometimes.
I'm sorry for thinking your beaches were sad just because there were clouds. I'm sorry I never picked shells off the sand and took them home illegally to treasure them like I should have.
I'm sorry for thinking your rolling hills were a flaw because I was breathless. I know a flat sameness here and I miss the surprise of finding out I was on a small mountaintop all along.
I miss the view I got on streets that all felt a little familiar.
A picture just came up on my phone of Scott and I laughing on a beach in San Francisco. I wish I knew and recognized how happy I was before we became a picture. I wonder if I'll ever be able to recognize blissful times when I'm in them.
I'm sorry for wanting more than everything I had in my San Franciscan world. I'm sorry I gave you up for potential.
I'm sorry I complained about the homeless and doubted your realism. I live in a sanitized bubble with people who think the problems they don't see on the street don't exist.
I'm sorry I got frustrated by all your social justice warriors. I felt intimidated when I should have felt empowered. You were fighting this fight before anyone else and I underestimated its importance.
I'm sorry I ever thought the size of the city was like one big school for ants. You're the perfect size! What did I know about city sizes at 16? Why do you ever listen to me?
I'm sorry I never properly said goodbye to the asian lady who owned the sandwich shop on 11th. She always recognized me and I never even said goodbye.
I'm so, so sorry for ever thinking there is any city out there that's better than the one I first fell in love in and in love with.
I'm sorry you're my best, most quickly fading memory. I try not to think of you often.